Staying on the keepinitreal theme. I prayed about and decided to share... The picture on the left is me. A picture I have never shared. This was the day I had to get an endoscopy to check the damage I had done with my eating disorder. I remember thinking “it’s not that bad”. I was still not ready to “give up”. I had spent so much time comparing myself to others that all I wanted to do was control something. I became overly obsessed with my weight. Not the way I looked but my weight in a scale. I wanted to be skinny. I wanted people to look at me and think I was “so skinny”. But I had no idea what was coming.
I started counting my calories. Eating minimal carbs or really anything that I felt like was “too much”. I worked out every single day where I burned off at least 800-900 calories. I only did cardio. Then I thought it wasn’t enough. So, I began binging at night after my meal. I wasn’t ever eating more than 1000 calories a day. Again, wasn’t enough...so I began taking laxatives at night, every night. I would never look at myself in the mirror. I would scan over menus before going out to eat anywhere so I would know exactly what to order that wouldn’t be “too much”. I use to have people tell me to “eat a burger” and I always thought “I wish I could”. But the thing was I was worried about everything I consumed. So, “eating a burger” was like telling me to just go have a panic attach for fun. Every. Single. Day was like this! I was exhausted. I was miserable. I still wasn’t happy.
See the girl on the right...I crushed that eating disorder! I stopped the comparison. I learned to look at myself in the mirror and love myself for the way that God created me to be. I am happy. I am flawed. I am imperfect. I am loved! I am ME!
The reason I am always wanting to be REAL and RAW is because I know there is someone out there that has or is going through something similar. We all try and compare ourselves to others. Or we criticize ourselves way too much. I want to help change lives! I want to empower women to love themselves more! To embrace those flaws. To learn that you can be healthy and fit AND happy! That is doesn’t require you to lose yourself in the proce
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